Open Relationships: Part 1

"My girl got a girlfriend"    

***Before you read this POST, it is important that you come with an OPEN MIND..or at the least a curious one ;-) **      

Hmmmm..

I have been researching this topic for quite some time now and LUCKILY I was able to get an interview with someone (a female) who is currently in an open relationship. Interview has not happened just yet, but i will be SURE to post..BUT FIRST

What is an Open Relationship? 

Open Relationship: an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together but agree to a form of a non-monogamous relationship. This means that they agree that a romantic or intimate relationship with another person is accepted, permitted or tolerated. 

This BASICALLY MEANS when two (or more) people AGREE to be in a relationship and WITHIN THAT AGREEMENT ALSO AGREE that it WILL NOT BE MONOGOMOUS (aka you ain't the only I'm sexing)

Now I know some of you guys...well my girls..lol..thought i have lost my mind..but i havnt. I am SIMPLY the INFORMANT and here to educate you guys on such a TABOO LIFESTYLE. Because this is a lifestyle, choosing to randomly enter this kind of relationship on a whim will be unsuccessful. 

Now here are the Basics...as simply put as i can.

There are 3 types of open relationships.          

Multi-partner, Hybrid, and Swingers. 

Multi-partner - is the most "common", when parties are are in a relationship two ore more and may or may not be having sex with everyone in the relationship.<<--this is the one i will be referring to in my blog.

Hybrid- ONLY ONE PERSON in the relationship has sex or relations with other people. While the other person remains monogamous ( in our world this is called cheating lol)

Swingers- Singles or couples have sex with other people for fun. Its their thing. 

Now that we know WHAT AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP IS....heres to answer the question..WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD SOMEONE WANT TO BE IN ONE?

WELL, AFTER DOING EXTENSIVE RESEARCH I HAVE COMPRISED A LIST OF THE TOP 5 BENEFITS OF AN OPEN REALTIONSHIP. (not in any particular order)

1) NO MORE CHEATING!! : Because "technically" we agreed it was ok. In our "normal" world CHEATING is one of the BIGGEST..if not THE BIGGEST issues failed monogomous and even continued monogomous relationships face. Having an Open relationship eliminates this need/want/desire/act of cheating. WHY? Because parties are ALLOWED and it is AGREED the can see and YES, HAVE SEX with someone else. There's no creeping behind the back, no having to delete text, emails, no making up excuses of why you got home late, no guilty feeling. Just simple "hey babe, I'm with sally/bob tonight. do we have any condoms left. Ok Great. See you soon. Love you". <<--yeah. just like that. 

2) SATIFIES SEXUAL NEEDS : We live in a world where SEX sells, ruins makes and breaks people. It is a gift and a curse all in one. AND BECAUSE WE ARE SUCH A SEXUALIZED CIVILIZATION NO ONE WONDER PEOPLE ARE BECOMING MORE AND MORE "FREAKED OUT" for better lack of words. Especially now (i blame 50 shades of grey lol). This FACT has caused many peoples sex drive to sky rocket....while others are still just putting the key in the ignition. Unfortunately there are couples who are not on the same SEXUAL LEVEL...and some are not willing or not able to get on the sexual level of their partner. ..causing many times in the monogomous relationship for that party to look elsewhere to be satisfied. Once more, open relationships gets rid of another culprit that tends to long in monogomous relationship. if not satisfied or if just curious, within an open relationship you can always meet someone else in order to satisfy your sexual desires.

3) BRING COUPLES CLOSER TOGETHER: As crazy as this might sound to us "normal mind folk" i have read and in my findings discovered that many people in open relationships have said it brought them closer. HONESTY IS THE KEY TO HAVING AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP. Having everything in the open and having and understanding of each others needs creates a sense of security and trust. You develop a deeper appreciation for your partner and value the time and moments you guys do spend together. Surprisingly having the option to "step out" eliminates the desire to, causing some open relationships to in fact be monogomous. 

4) ALLOWS FOR PERSONAL GROWTH:  I know you guys probably like "wtf she talking about, i don't need to be in a relationship to grow"..<<--and you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. YOU DON'T. However, the fact is MANY  people get into relationship before they truly understand and KNOW WHO THEY ARE. They get so wrapped up with their partner (especially my females) and become "one" they forget about themselves. Being in an open relationship takes this away. You can still grow because you are not only concerned about your partner and your relationship. you are able to have your freedom and DO AS YOU PLEASE..while getting to understand WHO YOU ARE. Explore your sexual varieties and still be involved in your own individual interest without always having your partner there.....how monogamous relationships are. It keeps your sense of independence. 

5) YOU WON'T GET BORED: In open relationships there is rarely a dull moment. You know that excitement you get when you meet someone new. you guys really click and you get excited hearing their voice ,or even seeing their name pop up on your phone. Anticipating the next time you are going to see them. Now imagine you being able to experience that WHENEVER you want and YOUR PARTNER is OK with it. Sounds crazy right? Well many open relationships love this perk. It keeps the relationship exciting. Meeting new people Doing new things and getting to share it with your loving, caring, understanding, honest and OPEN PARTNER. 

Many of you are probably reading this and still like HELLLLL NOOO...Yet i KNOW that somewhere in the back of your mind an incy wincy part of you is curious..and just wants to know how does this work? 

HOW DO YOU START THIS TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP?

WHAT ARE THE NEGATIVE SIDES?

DOES THIS WORK?

Well......ALLLLL YOUR questions will be answered in NEXT POST. This will be a 3 PART Series including the interview. But as you wait for the next portion...just a question i would like for you to ponder on....

WOULD YOU PARTICIPATE IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP IF YOUR PARTNER PROPOSED????

and before you say NO......think..

WHY NOT??

All are welcome to leave comments with answers to this question...Stay tuned for Part Deux :-) 

Love YOURSELF MORE

One thing i have always done is allow people to LEARN from MY Mistakes...Recently this has been especially true in the "relationships" arena....i am NO RELATIONSHIP EXPERT in NO SHAPE OR FORM..shit im probably FAAARRR From it...lol..BUT i know what I BEEN THROUGH and i also know i do not want any of my friends going through EVEN HALF the emotional shit I been through.

But lately it seems that EVERYONE and their mom havin some issues...im like my loves...shit MY ENEMIES you deserve soo much more!!!

IM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL ABOUT SELF LOVE and GODLY LOVE NOW more than ever before..and ALWAYS will be until death do me part.

There is no better feeling than LOVING YOURSELF, RESPECTING YOURSELF, RESPECTING AND LOVING YOUR VALUES...and not ALLOWING ANY ONE to strip that away from you.

We live in a society that people PREY on WEAKNESS..they smell insecurities, and they use it to their FULL ADVANTAGE...They will Say whatever you WANT to hear in order for them to GET WHAT THEY WANT to get from you...with no regard to your feelings, emotions, or how it will impact you, now or in the future.

Cuz quite frankly,some people dont give a damn about YOU....I'll say it again SOME PEOPLE DONT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU... they only care for themselves. but we(females especially) have this WEAKNESS to want to please someone all the time...ESPECIALLY the one "you are with"...better yet.... "the one you THINK you with,  when in reality you are just another fuck"...

I'm soooo over the BS with people, but definitely with BS in "relationships"...I
 dont have the patience, time or energy. Nor do I have the LOW SELF ESTEEM that goes along with putting up with BULLSHIT...anymore..i used too..i used to be JUST LIKE YOU..if not worst..but honey i tell you...its  ITS A WRAP FOR THAT......

There comes a time when you gotta GROW UP...
TRUST ME its easier said than done..but it can BE DONE..and it needs to in order to TAKE CARE OF YOU!...

In no way shape or form am i man basher. I LOVE LOVE LOVE i mean LOOOOOOVVVEEE me some men and i will NEVER be one of those girls that say "F**K n****s, get  MONEY" or " all guys are the same"..cuz in reality they are NOT..its just the muf*** YOU messin with...lol
I ENCOURAGE anyone and EVERYONE to give LOVE a chance and give that GREAT MAN a chance to show you what TRUE LOVE feels, looks like..however TAKE your time!!! and DON'T MAKE FOOLISH MISTAKES!

LADIES..we have this special gift called INTUITION... LISTEN TO THAT SHIT!!! and stop complaining when a nigga do you wrong and its NOT the first time..cuz its never JUST the first time.. ALSO STOP FRAUDIN like that nigga NOT doing you wrong!!
I swear if i see another "Single turn in a relationship" status happen every other week on another facebook, or "twitter i hate him its over rant..than a week later thats the love of my life nothing can break us"  ima really tell ya about yaself..just like someone had to tell my ass about myself.
There is NOTHING "passionate" or "cute" or "loving" or "real" about a DYSFUNCTIONAL relationship.

YES. every relationship has its problems. I get that. i understand that. AND TO MAINTAIN a HEALTHY  relationship it is very important that you work through those issues while seeking guidance from God to make it work...However if someone is CONSTANTLY taking advantage of you, manipulating you, using you, cheating on you, beating you, lying to you with no INTENT to change than WHY THE FUCK you still with that fool??

Well how do you know he intends to change? because you SENSE it and you see it! Men can change...and you'll be surprise how many actually will..but if you're taking them back as quick as they dropped their pants  for the next person..why the heck would they change for you?? when they know they CAN ALWAYS..ALWAYS come back "home"...

WAKE UP PEOPLE! Understand YOU CANNOT MAKE anyone change...I'll repeat.. YOU CANNOT I mean CANNOT MAKE ANYONE CHANGE.((Only GOD can do that)).they have to be WILLING...

however what you CAN DO...is give them a REASON to CHANGE...and i don't mean just bye saying "babe you need to change because .........." why would anyone change their awful habitual ways if you always taking them as they are??

That's  like you giving a child $100, every time he/she bought home an F on their report card..The child fucked up..but you know you love them, so no punishment instead they get a REWARDED for HORRIBLE grades...do you think that child is gonna change getting an F?? do you think that child really gives a f*** about trying to bring their grades up, if they are gettin $100 when bring home a FAILING GRADE??....

its the SAME THING...WHY would your PARTNER change their ways if EVERY TIME THEY GET AN "F" (fuck up) you giving them $100 (100% of you) Still FUCKIN them, Still cooking for them, cleaning, calling them babe, having them sleep over.

Oh it's because I LOVE HIM/HER? Excuse my language but BITCH you stuck on stupid! 
I DO NOT doubt you LOVE HIM. I DON'T EVEN DOUBT that he love you back,
but understand that he DOES NOT respect you, and you DO NOT respect yourself....

GET IT TOGETHER!! #LOVEYOURSELFMORE ...I couldnt have said this enough for this past year..i couldn't have repeated this to myself MORE the past couple of years until FINALLY i got it through my own damn head!

I am speaking from EXPERIENCE. went through the same ish you going through, if not more..But if YOU ARE NOT MARRIED...ladies PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE..

right now take the time to FOCUS ON YOU AND YOU ALONE! GET YOU TOGETHER..LOVE YOU!! LEARN HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF..before you INVEST YOUR HEART into someone who will just USE YOU! THe moment you LOVE YOURSELF..and love yourself SOO MUCH that NO ONE can break that BOND...is the moment you will be to recognize the real from the fake..and also the moment you will STOP ignoring your intuition..

Love is a beautiful thing.
Love BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE WHO LOVE EACH OTHER is one of the greatest gifts GOD has ever given this world..
however,
Love for yourself is a VOID NO ONE BUT YOU and GOD can fill...
So start filling it now...
bye doing the things that you know you deserve, that you know YOU LOVE...

im not saying don't love him
I'm saying

LOVE YOURSELF MORE

<3

Number ONE.....BULLSH*T

"You can't say I don't love you, JUST BECAUSE I CHEAT ON YOU " <<<<(O_o)
"Cuz you can't see all i do, to keep you from knowing the things you do"<<<(-___-)
"Like erase my phone, and keep it out of town"<<<<((NEGRO WHAT!!))
"I keep it strapped up, WHEN I SLEEP AROUND" <<<< ((>:-{ ))
"Well i should have known, one day you'd find out"
"BUT YOU CAN'T (aka wont) GO AND LEAVE ME NOW" ---JOHN LEGEND, NUMBER ONE

^^^^^^^^^^ That right here is STRAIGHT BULLSHIT....BUT...the fact of the matter of is that this happens allllllllllllllllllll the time because why.....the last line explains it all

"BUT YOU CANT (aka wont) GO AND LEAVE ME NOW"....

of course you know what this post is about ...CHEATERS 

Yes, yes, the infamous word that everyone hates, no one wants to be labeled..no one wants to put up with..but BLINDLY LOVE STRUCK <<((that was me)), or, FOOLISH, or DICK WHIPPED, or INSECURE or..MONEY HUNGRY ...or SCARED ...or cheating FEMALES ...PUT UP WITH ALL THE TIME...

From EXPERIENCE...I know first hand how DUMB it is that us females put up with the bullshit, lies. Anyone who knows me..knows i had a HORRIBLE situation with the last guy i dated...and simply i put up with a lot of BULLSHIT, lies, deceit and heart ache..because i was "so in love"...only to finally LISTEN TO MY OWN ADVICE..and understand that love doesn't hurt....

a MAN can only do to you..what you allow him too...women are quick to forgive and give a "second chance" to a CHEATIN LYING ASS muthafuckas the moment he even starts to say "sorry"....but Im pretty sure HE was not SORRY when he put his dick in the next bitch...so why should you to take his "sorry ass" back?????...ESPECIALLY as quick as we do??

We as females tend to invest so much into relationships, and love that we forget or push back our own self worth or what we deserve. If you don't love and respect yourself enough to LEAVE HIM for DISRESPECTING you, why should he LOVE YOU enough to stop?? and to be honest it is a question i asked myself MULTIPLE times when i was dealing with "HIM"...<< ((every girl has her "him")). and a question i was scared to answer, because i was scared of the answer i would give myself..

Ladies ..we know better, we should do better. LOVE YOURSELF MORE. A nigga always gonna be there..and if he has the audacity to step out on you, than he don't deserve you..PERIOD.

All this he changed....blah blah bullshit..a man doesn't change in a couple days..just like you know you don't change in a couple days..OLD HABITS DIE HARD..and unless you make him see and value your WORTH..there is NOOOO REASON at all to change...

"oh but i LOVE HIM"...of course you do..you love him a lot..I love him with all my heart and soul..but love doesn't erase the fact that he disrespected you....and making it so easy to let him disrespect you again..gives him no reason to change..

Because the truth is..a man can and will change....but only to the woman who makes him see its worth changing for...If you're taking him back as fast as he dropped his draws for the next bitch..why would he change???? why would he stop f**** other bitches if YOU ALLOW him to still have YOU...

TRUST ME..i know this first HAND...i LIVED IT....and been through it..and know every conflicting feeling that goes along with loving someone so bad..and wanting them to change..and possibly trying to make it work...but honey im here to tell you....if you don't love yourself enough to see and show him it wont be so easy to "make things work"..than there's no reason for him too....and just know..the MOMENT you decide to take him back..is the same moment YOU CAN NO LONGER blame him for cheating on you AGAIN because it was YOU who decided to take him back ALREADY KNOWING the type of nigga he was..

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies, loving is hard..but before you love someone else..you truly have to love yourself, respect yourself, and know your value. To some it comes easy, to others it takes some practice and some self reflection, but it needs to be done..Cus the truth is, the GAME IS OLD..Niggas ain't doing nothing new, that you havn't seen before.((and fellas, you know this the truth))..we just gotta stop putting up with it.

It definitely was a journey for me, especially after giving a person your all, only for it to be taken advantage of...but its a lesson learned..and if i can stop another amazing young woman to not go through the bullshit by forewarning her, than thats exactly what i will do. :-) <3

You hear the famous saying "P***Y rules the world" 
or of course the "barbies" famous line "Step ya P***Y up"...

Well if you ask me..and ole regular hoodrat braud can have good P***Y...

But it takes a WOMAN of CHARACTER, Self Love, Self Respect and understands her SELF WORTH to truly

"RULE THE WORLD"

Once a cheater, doesn't mean he ALWAYS will be a cheater, its just not something you need to put up with.

"some people are meant to only be in your heart, not your life"

Lost Generation

i feel so bad for our youth....i really do..they are a LOST generation...
Especially in Philadelphia...

There is no guidance, no motivation, no positive inspiration...and when there is..its so limited...instead of education being pushed....rare dreams are embellished..dont get me wrong..there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to be the  Lebron, or Jay, Brady, Meek, Kanye,,whatever FAME a child wants to achieve if they are talented to do so, why not??

But where is the emphasis on EDUCATION?? why is that we have 6,7th and 8th graders who have a 3rd grade reading level or CANT read at all??? Parents what are you doing?? because i see the product of WHAT YOUR NOT DOING with these kids!!

it slightly disgust me because its like for the kids who DO want better, and want to do better, and want an education, they are looked down upon by their own family, ...this even includes their parents. Those kids are  trash talked...and even worse abused because they WANT MORE FOR THEIR FUTURE...and what is more horrible is that if they speak up about it....any form of abuse whether they are scared that dhs is gonna come, take them away..and they are left off in a worst situation....

on top of that..GOD FORBID that scenario acts out..they are put in a school where teachers give up, or turn the other cheek...ORRRR if its not the teachers, administration doesn't want the behavioral problems to get out so they do the little..and the absolute LITTLE they can in order to "fix" the problem....ORRRR if its not that...the kids that do want to do better..are surrounded by a whole bunch of little monsters who just wanna sit in  a classroom fuck around all day and think they no better.....

some of these schools are absolutely DISGUSTING..i don't mean the physical state of the school i mean the environment...and whats bothers me even more is that there are not enough support given to help address these issues no help them...NOR are there enough PARENTS who are willing to ACTIVELY be a part of their academic life and discipline them in order to do well...

to many of our kids are growing up to fast and taking care of homes..that irresponsible and inconsiderate parents should be taking care of..

to many teachers who have given up because they believe there is no hope...

and too much corruption within the school system and government period to provide support where there is needed....

This is OUR future people..OUR FUTURE...how can you just sit there and let raise a future of dying Breeds...

its not even about college...its about education...

Society is setting up our FUTURE TOMORROWS>.our BLACK FUTURE TOMORROWS>.our PHILADELPHIA FUTURE TOMORROWS for failure..

we have too much TALENT, to much HEART, too many GOOD, too many SMART kids to let it all go to waste....

i have grown to LOVE Philadelphia, and being in the Public Health field there are sooooo many resources out there for kids to do better..for our future to do better..but they cant do it on thier own

They need help...
They need OUR help

Lets turn our future from this                                  

To a future that looks more like this